A new life, is it possible by understanding Real Discipline?

The guru also said, “Can you see the light—your own personal light? Did you have a satori? Try to see what kind of life would be possible for you if you were living your transformation.”

These words from the guru gave me a small glimpse. I realize that I have been imagining life more from desire. Lately I’ve learned that desire and wish are two different things. Desire is only for oneself, most often to fulfill a biological urge, whereas a wish is for the more—for all, not just for oneself. A desire wants to end something; a wish is eternal, or for eternity. And the wish is also our true identity.

So if my two key egos were transformed—which is not something I can do, but perhaps something that could happen if I am really honest and truly look into it—what kind of life would I have?

For instance, the ego that thinks I am special because of my background, that I am a bit better than everyone else—if that were transformed into simply being one part of humanity, fitting in easily everywhere and just being ordinary—that would imply such deep rest for me and my system. No need to perform or outperform, to prove or defend. No need for this terror, which I clearly carry since I unconsciously or subconsciously try to make everyone else less. What a rest that would be.

Then there is another ego of mine, which I think may be even more central, more deeply rooted—perhaps even brought from past lives—this tendency to go against the more, to go against the rightness of all. This lust to cheat and get away with it, or at least to believe that I can get away with it. To skip being with the more, to escape love, and to believe that this is a profit.

What if that core ego were transformed into simply not escaping truth, love, the guru, the more—not going against it? What kind of life would I have? It seems to me it would be a life of celebration, love, and truth.

Another thought comes to me. What if this persistent feeling—that it is a discipline, hard work, something I have to remember, that I must strive and push and force myself to be with the more—is only there because I still carry this lust, this desire, this greed to cheat, to go against it, to block it, to lie?

If I were not doing all of that, then the truth of the guru and the guru’s love would already be here, and I would not be escaping it. Maybe it would not even be a discipline to move toward it. Maybe it would happen naturally.

So perhaps the only real discipline is to truly look into how I block the more, how I escape the more, how I separate myself—how I lie, cheat, con, and pretend to be more than others—and to see this violence clearly and stop it.

Maybe there is no real discipline required to be with the more or to be with the guru. Maybe that is simply a natural happening—through the discipline of stopping being Eric.