Insights from the Living The Transformation Retreat

Master says, only in attempting to do the impossible, the self can be dismantled. What is your struggle?Do it at a world class level.

For myself, I take care of babies all day because it keeps the sacred alive for me and I feel safe enough to put the self down. It’s also why love being around Master - I can bow. Which my being desperately wants to do.

But that’s now what I’ve been groomed for. I’ve been groomed by my family, my upbringing, my environment to be in control. So with Master I am both terrified because I have no control and yet cheering him on to kill the self.

I don’t feel safe to surrender because when I have, the other has enslaved me. I’ve been abused, raped, oppressed, and ridiculed in the name of love because of my need to bow. And I have been groomed not only to take it but also to become that and to agree that I deserve to suffer. And then I became the abuser by dismissing others and accusing everyone that they can’t be trusted.

I blame the other for not being something I can bow to, instead of owning that it’s up to me to surrender the self and hold myself in bowing.

By this I’ve become someone who refuses to bow, who seeks control, and who thinks I am better than another so I don’t have to bow.

One of my sadhanas, a transformation that is needed, is to turn in and hold myself uncompared and bowing.