What types of reactions are narcissistic?
A friend read my earlier post about Narcissists’ intense reaction to avoid feeling “shame”, and shared to me that someone reacted to things she said several times which bothered her a bit. She was wondering if such situation revealed a narcissistic behavior.
I think certain distinctions also need to be put into consideration regarding such situation. First, one fact is everyone reacts, that’s inevitable for a human being when some discomfort occurs. It’s embedded in human race’s biological system as we are still an evolving race.
Then how to distinguish whether it’s a narcissistic behavior or a common reaction of expressing certain triggered feelings and discomfort?
In my eyes, what can be acknowledged and evaluated is the intensity of the expressed rage. A narcissist’s rage intensity can be very high, that the target might be in shock for hours, and be locked in shame for weeks, months or even years. Another distinction is whether this person can own it / struggle with it; whether there is a possibility for communication. Narcissistic people allow very limited space to communicate as they always blame another without owning their reactions at all. They tend to reject communication because they quickly place a conclusion, which means they barely take responsibility. In the end, narcissists are focusing on “who has the power” rather than “what is the truth”.
If someone is willing to reflect on the reaction (ex. shame), then possibly this person is not a narcissist but who might be communicating his or her pain, like expressing personal discomfort. Narcissistic people react in order to manipulate and abuse others, to dominate the dynamic. Someone who reacts and says “I’m not comfortable” emotionally (can be various reasons), might not hold the intention to manipulate, and might struggle to establish his or her boundary.
When learning about narcissism, we can hold a non- judgmental attitude. In other words, we don’t have to condemn this condition, it’s how this condition lives and survives the pain. The choice of whether to get engaged or not to is available.
There are surely other distinctions around this topic. What do you think?
I think certain distinctions also need to be put into consideration regarding such situation. First, one fact is everyone reacts, that’s inevitable for a human being when some discomfort occurs. It’s embedded in human race’s biological system as we are still an evolving race.
Then how to distinguish whether it’s a narcissistic behavior or a common reaction of expressing certain triggered feelings and discomfort?
In my eyes, what can be acknowledged and evaluated is the intensity of the expressed rage. A narcissist’s rage intensity can be very high, that the target might be in shock for hours, and be locked in shame for weeks, months or even years. Another distinction is whether this person can own it / struggle with it; whether there is a possibility for communication. Narcissistic people allow very limited space to communicate as they always blame another without owning their reactions at all. They tend to reject communication because they quickly place a conclusion, which means they barely take responsibility. In the end, narcissists are focusing on “who has the power” rather than “what is the truth”.
If someone is willing to reflect on the reaction (ex. shame), then possibly this person is not a narcissist but who might be communicating his or her pain, like expressing personal discomfort. Narcissistic people react in order to manipulate and abuse others, to dominate the dynamic. Someone who reacts and says “I’m not comfortable” emotionally (can be various reasons), might not hold the intention to manipulate, and might struggle to establish his or her boundary.
When learning about narcissism, we can hold a non- judgmental attitude. In other words, we don’t have to condemn this condition, it’s how this condition lives and survives the pain. The choice of whether to get engaged or not to is available.
There are surely other distinctions around this topic. What do you think?
by Wei Wei
• 6 months, 1 week ago
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Do we all have an element of this?